Waiting period

Greetings!

We have booked our travel and will be leaving the US again on February 10th (for our court date on February 12th) and returning again February 13th. A quick turn-a-round, for sure! I think we have weathered the jet-lag at this point and are starting to get back into our typical home routine. I want to thank you all again for your prayers and continued support during this time; The Lord has definitely gone before us. 

One idea for a blog post that I recently had was to try to thank everyone that has helped us, by giving us time, resources, or prayer. Needless to say, this would be a long list. I thought it might be particularly helpful to anyone considering adoption who feels the time and cost is too daunting to see how God has worked this out in our lives. Understand, we are not people of great means, nor we do we have much of a social network. We do have an amazing extended family and church family. Most importantly, we serve a God who desires to be a father to the fatherless, to heal the wounded, and to make whole the broken. He is acting here, for the benefit of A, not us. So if adoption has been on your heart, stay tuned; there may be something for you. 

Tonight, I thought I would share a bit more about our impressions of the country of Ukraine. I've talked a bit about the people and our time in two of the largest cities in the country. To a large degree, these cities feel modern, safe, and European or at least western. The country between the cities through which we passed was interesting as well. Here are some photographs: 

Very typical country-side for central and eastern Ukraine. The land was flat and white from snow extending into the distance. Similarly to the US, trees tended be present along property lines, either planted to create a delineation or left in place when the land was cleared. 

The country-side was largely empty, with occasional towns. If there is a town, no matter the size, you can bet there will be a McDonalds. The menu was fairly similar to those in the US. We stopped at one two or three times while in country. 

The ubiquitous bus stop. Whenever we would pass through any small community, you would see these at every strategic place. They all looked, universally, like the one pictured above. I would be surprised if any of these were constructed since Soviet times. During morning school or rush hour times, each would always have a crowd of workers or children. 

More of the country-side. Again, this was the predominant view. 

A few more of the orphanage:

This is a view of the building where A lives with the other kids in her group. 

Walking to the group house. I don't think it was ever above 10 degrees F. Old southern boys like me learn that if you wear long underwear, 4 shirts, wool socks, gloves, water-proof boots, and a wool hat, 3 degrees F isn't so bad.

The view outside A's room. 

The view inside A's room. Much better, I think. 

Have a blessed night.

Michael and Julie

A through the years

Good evening all,

Tonight I thought I would share with you some pictures of A we have managed to obtain the past 6 months. All of these were taken before we ever met her, mostly at her orphanage or at summer camp, usually by some of our new friends from Radooga (radooga.com) or other church groups or missionaries in country. Several were also taken be her teachers at school. Hope you enjoy!

A at age 10 right before entering her current orphanage.

From Christmas 2010 when the school was visited by a local business. A is wearing a purple sweater in the background and looking at the camera. Next to her is lil A, and V, who will be her adopted friend/neighbor in Tennessee, is in the front row in the red, long sleeve shirt holding the stuffed animal. 

Picture of a picture we took at the orphanage. We're aren't sure, but this may be her first day at the orphanage. 

Close up! Again from summer, 2010.

Summer camp 2012.

Summer 2012.

Christmas 2012. 

Thanks to everyone who took these and made them available. We'll have more to share soon!

Love,

Julie and Michael

Back to TN

Well, we made it home, and jet lag has thoroughly set in. Travel was easy (as easy as could be expected anyway) and uneventful. I felt unexpectedly proud and even a little emotional to hear over the flight intercom "Welcome to the United States of America" first in German, then in English. It was a little strange to be surrounded by conversation we could again understand but nice to be home at the same time. Above all, it was wonderful to see the kids again, and we got big hugs from each. It felt terrific to sleep a night in our own bed. We can't thank Julie's Mom and Dad enough for taking care of the kids for us during this time. 

When we awoke this morning, we had word from our facilitator that our court date has been set for February 12th, which means we will most likely travel on February 10th and back home February 13th. For those unfamiliar, I'd like to discuss, in general, what the rest of the process will be like. At court, there will be a judge, a jury, and a prosecutor for the state, while our facilitator will be our advocate. Like many aspects of Ukrainian adoption, the process can be easy or enormously difficult. Some prosecutors and judges simply don't like foreign adoption, which can lead to costly delays. Some families have even had to start over. Some communities can even push to reject an adoption. In most cases, however, the court session will last for about an hour, during which time we, the orphanage director, and A will be questioned by the judge. Although evidence has already been committed to the written record, we understand that A will have to affirm verbally that she wants to be adopted by us. If all goes well, the judge will declare A to be our daughter. Immediately thereafter, there will begin a 10 day waiting period during which appeals to the decision can be filed. We plan to return to the US during this time. If there are no appeals after 10 days, A is officially ours. She would then legally be our daughter, so the rest of the process (the third trip) involves getting her a new birth certificate with her new name, a passport to the US, travel visa, and medical clearance. This will require 10 to 14 days to complete. The best part about the third trip is that A will be with us for the duration. We'll be living and traveling together as a family. We hope to be able to see much more of Kiev to allow her some fond memories of her country and pride in being Ukrainian, even as she becomes an American. 

Until we return to country, I've decided with each blog to share some additional pictures and relate some additional stories about our first trip. One thing I observed is that fish are important in Ukraine, and they probably consume more per capita than we do. There is a much wider variety of fresh fish for sale in grocery stores. For example, in our girl's we had this type of selection:

Fresh fish 

More fresh fish. This time, they have taken the liberty of removing the head. One less thing to worry about. 

Freshest fish.

This fellow took a flying leap out of the fish tank seen in the background. It was so odd I could only stare and take a picture. Shortly thereafter, a lady started shrieking something in Russian, and one of the attendants calmly walked over and placed the fish back with his buddies, thereby ending his near death experience. 

Did you know that death once had a near Chuck Norris experience?

We took a few silly pictures as well.

Silly moment in her room. 

A demonstrating what she learned from Ukrainian former heavy weight champion of the world Wladimir Klitschko.

These two are alike on so many levels.

Thought about it, but the equipment probably isn't designed for super-sized Americans.

Finally, I wanted to post a video that A made to our kids (her brothers and sister). For those of you who haven't met A, consider this a mini-introduction. This falls into the non-silly category:

That's all for today, but much more to come tomorrow. We love you all. Thanks for taking the journey with us, and thank you for sharing your time and resources. 

Michael and Julie

A's Orphanage - Last Day

Good Afternoon,

Today was our last day with A for several weeks. Our facilitator had a lot of work to do in the morning, so we were picked up at 1 pm. We had to go to a public notary, which here is more like a lawyer, to get some documents notarized. When we tried to leave, the entrance and exit was partially blocked because someone decided it was the right time to knock icicles off the roof (it was a 6 story building). They closed off a portion of the sidewalk in front of the building as well. We waited in the corridor for about 5 minutes, at which point someone decided they didn't want to wait any longer and we all left in a herd. We were told that people have been killed by falling icicles in this locality before, but it's a new experience to a southern boy like myself. 

Anyway, we arrived at the orphanage and had another joyous bear hug from A. We went back to the groupa house and today straight to her room. She wanted to play Jenga again, which we did, as well as take some more photographs. She loves the camera!

Can't wait til we are all reunited.

We're laughing because she's tickling us both in order to get us to laugh during the picture. Mission accomplished.

Happy girl. Happy papa.

Getting some gifts from Mama. 

A taking a picture of me taking a picture of her. She's peeking. Hard to see, but there are kids' underwear and clothes drying on the radiator beneath the window behind A. 

They look alike!

Also today, we got to spend a lot of time with her classmates. We brought construction paper, markers, and stickers for the whole class. A really enjoyed bringing them into the room, at which point all the children stood up and said "spaseeba" (Thank you!). They really seem to enjoy crafting. 

The kids and K (from Brentwood) playing with the craft supplies we brought them. Sweet little S is looking at the camera.

Lil K and V together in the groupa room.

Showing family pictures and videos to one of A's teachers (L).

A wanted to go back to the room, which we did. Her friends kept coming in to talk and play with us, which brought out a different side of A. She became protective, even possessive of us. At one point I think she told a child to leave. We heard her say "moya mama, moyi papa" (my mother, my father) in a defensive way. It demonstrates a lot about the life these children live. They generally share everything at the orphanage, with very few personal items. A is definitely not willing to share us! Through a translator, we told her that we weren't bringing any other children home with us and that we were her mother and father, and she understood. After that we again got to spend time with lil V, whom we mentioned in yesterdays blog, and lil A, one of A's friends.   

Lil V. This young man needs a family. 

Lil V was great at Jenga. 

Lil A. Sweet girl with a beautiful smile and a contagious laugh. She asked us for a mama and papa, as well. 

Later in the afternoon, we got a chance to sit down with A and our translator to ask A any questions we had and allow her to ask questions of us. The biggest revelation was when she told us that she didn't like pizza! She ate slice after slice, as often as we had it, which was often! She told the translator that she didn't like it but we kept making her eat it! We laughed and explained that we didn't intend to make her eat anything but she seemed to like it so we kept getting it. So on multiple occasions, she ate large quantities of a food she didn't like, I assume to please us! We learned that she does like fried potatoes, fruits, vegetables, and pancakes, among other things. She also said that she wants to learn English and to be a doctor for children when she grows up...or a princess! She asked about her room and we told her it will be exactly the same as when she was here in the summer! This brought out a big smile. The translator patiently explained how the rest of the process would go, describing how we would be travelling twice back to the country. A understood and seemed fine. Toward the end of the interview she said she couldn't wait to get to America with us! Finally, I got to say what I have wanted to say to her ever since she got back on the plane:

"A, we love you! We knew God wanted us to adopt you the first night you stayed with us. We didn't know for sure if we would be allowed to adopt you, so we didn't tell you. It was so hard not to. It was harder to watch you leave. The day you left us we started the adoption process and have been working to bring you home ever since." When this was translated to her, she gave me a big jump hug and held on tight for several seconds. This was a culminating moment for us. To protect herself, she probably had to assume that we weren't coming back for her, but I wonder if she harbored hope deep down. These children live in a world of broken promises, and trust is hard and dearly gained. I think she can look forward to our court date on the next visit with more hope than she has had in quite a while. 

We had about 45 minutes left before we had to leave, so we went outside to play in the snow.

It was 5 degrees F at the time of this picture. I had to squint. A wasn't even that cold. 

Me and my lovely wife. So happy we went on this adventure together. 

This was from yesterday, but it's perhaps my favorite picture of the trip. These two will be friends in the US just like they were friends here. There is nothing like joy in the face of a child.

We came back in for just a few minutes. When it was finally time to leave, we got bundled up as we had before. The walk through the snow back to the front of the school went well, as A again wanted to hold our hands and hold on to us. Emotionally, we were all OK, which was surprising, but we knew we would be back soon. A gave us several hugs and kisses. We told her we loved her and she told us the same. Then she made me promise to shave my beard when we come back because it made my face scratchy. This is an awfully cold place to be with a bare face, so I'm not sure about that one. Then again, I made a promise and I fully intend to keep it! Finally, our facilitator called out that we had to go now and so, with great reluctance, we did. But it wasn't easy. 

First goodbye.

Second goodbye.

There was a third bear hug with all three of us but it was not captured on camera. We spent the evening packing and preparing for tomorrow, when we will have a 6 hour ride back to Kiev for one night before flying out at 5:55 Sunday morning. We already miss A very much. At this point, it is no different than leaving one of our biological children for 2 weeks. This experience has been extraordinary, and my heart is full. There are so many more things I could write, more experiences to relay, so I've decided to blog each day until we return for the second and third trip to share them with the benefit of added perspective. 

In closing this trip, I have been feeling undoubtedly downcast. Three days was such a short amount of time after 6 months of waiting and anticipation. But we still have so much to do at home, and our three beautiful children, R, H, and J, waiting for us! The wait will be difficult, and the unrest in parts of this country will be on our minds. But we have things to prepare for, and two more trips to this country to make, and, thankfully, only one more goodbye to A. 

In Larry Taunton's book The Grace Effect, which I recommend for any family considering an adoption from Ukraine, he describes the sudden fear and anxiety that his adoptive daughter experienced upon hearing that he and his wife had to travel back to the US before they could return to complete the adoption process, just like we are doing. He instantly thought of the disciples during the Last Supper, when Jesus told them He was leaving, that they would look for Him and not see Him, that where He was going they could not follow. Shortly thereafter, he explains that He is going to prepare a place for them, and that when He is ready He will return and bring them to the place He has prepared. So he told his adoptive daughter, "We are going to prepare a place for you, and when we are ready, we will come back to get you." She was instantly calmed.

Our situation in no way warrants a comparison to the Crucifixion and Resurrection, and we will not see ourselves as saviours to A. We trust the Lord for that and rely on Him. He has gone and prepared a place for us, we who are so unworthy, and He will return for us! In remembrance, we can, while we are away, continue, with hope and joy, preparing a place for A, the daughter born in our hearts, abandoned and forgotten, now found and cherished, by God's grace and mercy. 

In my Fathers house are many rooms; if it were not so I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. - John 14:2-3

A's Orphanage - Day 2

Good morning all,

We just finished our second day with A. We started the day fairly early at the apartment and had a few stops to make on our way to the orphanage. Our facilitator, L, is really on the ball and is working tirelessly on our behalf, and at a breath-taking pace. She knows what she is doing and does it very well. If anyone reading this is considering adopting from Ukraine I highly recommend her team and will be happy to put you in touch. (wallfamilyadoption (at) gmail (dot) com)

We arrived at the orphanage and had a meeting first thing with the orphanage director. The director plays a key part in the adoption process, and will be present at court. His assent or dissent to the adoption could affect the overall outcome, so we were anxious to make a good impression. He came across as a kind man who was very protective of "his" children. He wanted to know our professions, and what our home life was like. He then wanted to make sure we understood A's situation from an academic and health perspective. After we confirmed, he said that he thought a loving family would be the most important thing for A to have in order to progress, and that if we give her that, everything else will come together. Finally, he wanted us to know that he understands her living conditions in the US will be much better than here, and that he wants her to have a good life and nice things, but not to be spoiled in our country. He said that he considered it God's will that we were here and welcomed us, and the meeting came to a close. Another part of the process was complete without any issue, thankfully. 

Now it was time to see A once again. We got a running, joint bear hug from her when she saw us. Yesterday we spent our time in the academic wing of her school. Today, we were going to her groupa house, where she lives and has day to day activities. You have to walk outside to get there, and she was very particular and fussy with me about putting on my gloves and wool hat so that I would be warm. We arrived and walked up three flights of stairs to the groupa room, shown below.

A retrieving a picture album to show us. 

The first thing A did was to pull out the picture album we sent back with her in July. One of her teachers, V, told her to show us pictures that we haven't seen, not pictures we have seen. So we spent about 30 minutes looking through her classes photo album, which showed her and her classmates through the years. We were given permission to take photographs of these photographs, which was a real treat. V, along with B and K, then joined us, and the girls wanted to show us more pictures on a DVD. While the teacher got the TV on and the DVD going, each girl went down the hall to get chairs for us. They were emphatic that we wait while they bring the chairs, first for the four of us, and then for each of them.

In the groupa room.

Thumb wrestling

B, V, A, and me 

After watching pictures for a few minutes, the girls had an unexpected request, ZUMBA! Now for those of you who don't know me, I'm all about Zumba. Those of you who do know me know that sentence is nonsense. After 17 minutes of falling, shadowboxing, stumbling, looking confused, and generally eating an extra large FAIL sandwich, it was over. Someone somewhere may someday post a video of this event, but it won't be me, it won't be here, and it won't be today. The girls were great at it, and we got the impression they do it fairly regularly for exercise.

Next they wanted to take us for a walk outside. It was a clear cold day, probably around 20 degrees, with about 8 inches of very dry snow. We walked behind the orphanage to a couple of playgrounds. The snow did not stop the girls from playing, and the adults got into it as well. See below. 

Clearing snow off the stools so we could sit down, at the girls' request. 

Didn't take long for the horse play to start.

A enjoying the snow.

V and A. It won't be like this for Tennessee winters.

A and V

After we came in, we had a real treat. Two young ladies from a local church who visit the orphanage each Thursday arrived. They were both overflowing with joy for the girls in a way that is not often seen. They each gave us 3 or 4 hugs, and told us in English how the girls have missed us and have asked them to pray that their American families would return for them. Now they were there to witness those prayers being answered and were overjoyed. I can't describe what a blessing it was to meet them and again be reminded how beautifully God brought all this together in His perfect timing. To know that the girls have been prayed for by so many people and lovingly cared for was overwhelming. I know I have used that word a lot, but it's a propo for the adoption experience. 

Local believers rejoicing with the girls. Joyous moment.

Big hugs all around. 

Finally, A wanted to show us her bedroom, which she shares with 3 other girls. Julie and I sat with her on the bed. She had three of the pictures we sent her during the fall, one hanging up on the wall by her bed and two on a small, communal cabinet. There were no other personal effects. She wanted to look at pictures and videos on Julie's phone, particularly some videos taken of our kids over Christmas. We can tell she misses them and wants to see them again. She made a video for them as well.

                   A in her bedroom. Difficult to see, but there is a picture of our whole family that she had taped to the wall by the curtain. The bed was rock hard.

A and Mama.

A and Papa.

During this time, we also got to see several of her friends at the orphanage, two of whom we previously met when they were hosted by families in Nashville. The children were all curious and sweet, smiling and greeting us. A was so proud to introduce us as "otyets" and "mahts" (Dad and Mom) to the kids. Soon, our facilitator said it was time to go, and we had leave a bit abruptly, which visibly affected A. We were quick to tell her that we would see her again "Zavtra" (tomorrow) and she was OK again. Another snowy walk back to the car, only this time A wanted to hold my hand along the way. We each got two or three hugs, more I love yous, and goodbyes. Of course, A again fussed about my gloves, and even told our translator to tell me that it was cold out and I had to wear my gloves and hat! As we were leaving, one of the little boys that we met and who is a friend of A, lil V, approached us and asked for us to please help find him a home and family. It was a very sad moment. We told him we would try. As we were leaving, he approached our facilitator and again, very emphatically, asked for a family. He said he would be a good boy, would do as many chores as were asked of him, whatever it takes, but to please find him a Mama and Papa. This was almost too much to hear, and causes me to tear up now just recalling it. We knew this was likely to happen and tried to prepare ourselves, but it still hits you very hard. Several of the children had a sad look as we were leaving, and we wondered what it must be like for them to see their peers find a family while they have to remain alone. I'll have more to say on this later, including some information about a few of these precious kids that we have gotten to know. We want to be their advocates in the US, and we are certain that if God can see our family through the adoption process in our current circumstances, then He can see anyone through the adoption process. Meanwhile be prayer for the fatherless all over the world, that they would come to know their Heavenly Father and find an earthly family as well.  

After we left we dropped off our facilitator at the local SDA office so she could do her thing. Ukrainians can run on snowy and icy sidewalks with no trouble. Many women do it wearing 4 inch heels. Pretty amusing to see. After dropping her off, we went to a grocery store to get a few gifts for family and friends back home. 

We had dinner at the same Italian place tonight as last night, which is ever funnier when you consider that B and K have had dinner there each of the last 5 or 6 nights! It's become a running joke. Our facilitator is the type who finds something she likes and wants to stick with it. She and her husband are really the best, and have great, American style senses of humor as well. We have shared many laughs together. 

It's difficult to consider that tomorrow is the last day we will see A for several more weeks. We are a bit concerned about how she will take the news, and are trying to think of ways to soften the blow. We are sure she will understand, but this is a child that has been left, literally abandoned, by a parent once before. We would appreciate your prayers in that regard. We think we may leave her some things of ours as a token. In any case, it will be an emotional day tomorrow. We are so excited to be getting close to going home and seeing our kids and family but equally heartsick at leaving A here. 

Love and prayers to you all,

Michael and Julie